Silently (Friday, January 13, 2012 / 8:13 AM)
"
Guess I'd rather hurt than not feel anything at all," the lyrics of a
Lady Antebellum song played. And she related too well to those words.
There were too many people she loved, too many memories she held dear and too many sad songs she was attached too.
She always stood somewhere along the line of giving up and hanging on. Between what was right and what was wrong, she never knew which one her heart belonged to. She knew herself as a rather sensitive and immature individual struggling to survive in this worn-out world. While she dreamt big, she wanted even more to turn her dreams into reality. But she was just a tiny person standing in the centre of a world that couldn't see anything pass the solemnity in her eyes.
Over time, perhaps, she found someone who made her feel different - A boy, about the same age as her, who came to live in her town.
He observed her as she pocketed a couple of candies from the shelves at the corner of an old shop. And he made his way to her side, slowly raising his hand to stop hers. She looked right back at him, slightly surprised but quietly allowed him to take the lead. He held her hand and without looking back, he walked her right through the exit.
Standing at the small entrance, they continued to look at each other and for a while, it felt as though time had stopped like how time paused in those fairytales.
She shook his hand off hers and he gave a warm smile, as though greeting and acknowledging her existence.
She was skeptical about him, as she was about everything and everyone else. But she couldn't deny the sudden pounding of her heart and unknowingly, she returned his smile with hers.
There were no words exchanged and for a long time, that old shop at the end of the road seemed to have become their very own place. At times, they would do nothing but sit at the entrance and watch the empty roads. At other times, they would pause in their steps at the corner of the shop he first caught her in the act, just observing the different sweets neatly organized on the shelves.
It was a very simple friendship. She had him, and he had her. The only difference was he was her only friend, the only one she could comfortably depend on. To her, it was a couple of blissful months having him by her side everyday and even while doing nothing, she was happy just having him by her side. Maybe, it was then, she accidentally crossed the line of just being friends.
No one could have imagined how simple happiness was to her. For that short while, she held the world in her hands and she stood at the top of the universe. To her, a friend was a possibility that was never quite possible until he came by.
But, he was always a friend no one could come to replace. All this while, with no words exchanged, he silently went ahead with his life. To him, it could have always been like that. Moving from town to town with his family who loved exploring different parts of the world, he just met this girl when he came to live in this town. But no town was his permanent home and there were no chains around his heart, unlike hers.
He didn't know who to look for, or where to look for her but he knew he wouldn't trade the opportunity to see the world for an ordinary girl.
It was hard for her to run around town looking for a boy who no longer existed. And at the end of the day, she could only cry. She cried because she fooled herself into thinking there was something that could last forever. She cried because she let herself believe he was real but she should have known better. Still, she never stopped running around town, in search for the same boy who held her hand from the first day.
She never stopped visiting the shop because if there comes a day when he returns to this place, she thought he would know where to find her.