“How many times do we have to learn to let go of a certain someone, a certain memory?”

It is a question she sleeps with every night only to wake up the next morning with no answer.

She probably had enough of asking you to stay. She probably grew tired of watching you walk away. At the back of mind, she’ll always remember the promises you made but failed to keep. Even though she convinced you, and herself, that it was all going to be alright, I guess that only worked for you.

No words could either explain her heartache or console her. She, who loved words in so many ways, couldn’t seek salvation in them. Time kept slipping through her fingers but her feet felt heavy and the weight of the world seemed to sit on her shoulders. All she did was cry but, one day, she stopped crying. Maybe she had used an entire lifetime of tears that there were no more tears left to flow.

Sadness wasn’t what quite filled her heart. It was a sense of emptiness that sat in. The kind of emptiness that seeps right pass your skin and sinks into your bones, numbing you right in the core; that was the closest to what she felt. Every one else would continue walking by her, every one else would continue overlooking her existence but they were just canvases to her, blank sheets of paper taking the human form.

She dwelled long on a friendship she tried her best to salvage. Perhaps, it was the first time she ever tried so hard but her best wasn’t good enough.

When people decide to turn their backs on you, it wouldn’t matter how much effort one is willing to put in to turn things around. In fact, there is probably no way to turn things around at all. People, they will always come and go but people, they will always grow attachments regardless.

Attachments often lead to disappointments but humans never learn their lesson because there is no way, at all, for one to lead a completely independent life. We would always have had some form of connection with someone. We would always have felt like relying on someone. We desire so much because we can’t complete as much on our own.

She had thought she found someone she could let her guard down with. She thought but assumptions are almost as dangerous as those blades. For a moment, she felt like the happiest person even though times were constantly rough. A friend to talk to, a friend to listen, a friend to confide in, a friend to rely on; that single friend who fit all roles walked into her life, and right out of it as well.

There were so many emotions surging through her. To the friend that left, she said so many hurtful things. She tried to invoke a sense of guilty in him so that he would stay by her side right till the end, like he promised. But she was wrong, and what she tried to prove to herself was just a child’s play. He left and that truth stands.

People would carelessly ask her to forget about him, move on with her own and pretend those things never happened. People would always carelessly tell her to keep the thoughts of him away but they never understood how much those thoughts always came to haunt her.

It is something impossible to completely keep away. It is something she has to live with every day. To remind herself that he is no longer there for her, to encourage herself to stand on her two feet; those thoughts serve to pull her through. No one would know, no one would ever come close to understanding either.

“Don’t worry,” he would say if he was still around, “Everything would be alright, eventually.”

With a smile across his face, with those words upon his lips, she’d gently reply with a nod while sitting directly opposite him, in her head, quietly agreeing with him.